20th July, 1951

A diary does give a limited view of a person...

Roberta Hewitt

Socialist, activist and wife of John Hewitt

I have been reading the diary of Tatiana Sukhotina-Tolstoy – The Tolstoy Home. I have been very interested in it for many reasons – while reading it I got the impression of so much sickness, sobbings, heartthrobs of love & her jealousy of Masha, her sister.

But then she was being so honest about her failings, & I recollect saying so often I feel low – or sick, and one doesn’t think of writing, “I have been so well”. A diary does give a limited view of a person – if you wrote “I was so very kind to an old man today – I gave him 6d” it would look so false.

Then Tatiana gave her dairy to people to read. I wonder if that is good – it could be for it would be a check on ramblings. Sometimes I say to J would you like to read this bit – like tonight he read about my butterfly that turned out to be a moth & said it was good.

But even he has not read very much of my journal – it isn’t that I don’t want him to really – but I feel in the main it would be a waste of his time. Indeed I often wonder why I write it and feel if it is ever read it will prove to be so very uninteresting in the main.

I have said before that it may be of use to someone who at some future time would be interested in how people in our circle lived – or if some of our swans are crowned real swans. My idea of that person could be interesting.